Emotionally Immature Parents
If you grew up with emotionally immature parents, you're not alone. It's estimated that as many as one in five children are raised by these parents—and it's a situation that can be extremely challenging for the child involved.
In an article titled "10 Signs You Grew Up With Emotionally Immature Parents," WellDoing provides some insight into how emotionally immature parents can impact children. Here are some of the common signs:
1. You feel emotionally alone around them
2. Interactions feel one-sided
3. You feel trapped
4. They come first
5. They won't be vulnerable with you
6. They communicate through emotional contagion (try to get you as upset as they are)
7. They don't respect your boundaries
8. You do all of the emotional work
9. You lose your emotional autonomy
10. They can be "killjoys".
These things might seem obvious—but did you know that these things can have an impact on our mental health and ability to manage emotions as adults? When we’re raised by parents who are emotionally immature, it can be difficult to develop a healthy sense of self. We don't learn how to manage our emotions in a way that serves us well, and this becomes an issue later on in life. So how do we grow into happy adults?
If you were raised by emotionally immature parents, there are some things you can do:
1. Identify the role of your parents. If you were raised by emotionally immature parents, it’s important to identify the role they played in your life. This will help you understand how their behavior affected you and what parts of yourself are still holding on to those behaviors today.
2. Recognize that you are not responsible for your parents’ behavior. It can be easy to take on the role of parent when we’re dealing with our own parents, especially if they’re behaving irresponsibly or unkindly. But it’s important to remember that their actions are not yours—they are theirs.
3. Know that it’s okay to set boundaries with your parents. Sometimes, setting boundaries can be difficult because of the fear of hurting their feelings or making them angry. But it’s important to remember that they need to respect your boundaries as much as you need to respect theirs.
4. Be honest with your parents about what you need from them. Honesty is important not just for adults in relationships, but also for parents and children. It’s okay to ask your parents what they expect from their relationship with you and what they think is fair.
5. Be respectful of your parents’ feelings and opinions. Even if you don’t agree with what they have to say, it’s important to be respectful when communicating with them. You might not always like what your parents do or say, but that doesn’t give you any right to behave disrespectfully toward them in return.
6. Remember that no one can force you into doing something if you don’t want to do it—not even your parents! If they try to force their opinions on you without considering yours, then perhaps it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.
7. Don’t let your parents guilt you into doing something you don’t want to do. If they try to play on your emotions or make you feel bad about yourself, then it’s time to step away from the situation and evaluate how healthy the relationship is overall.
8. Finally, remember that you’re not your parents. You don’t have to be like them or live their lives for them; you get to make your own decisions and mistakes.
If you find yourself impacted by emotionally immature parents, therapy can help to process and learn ways to manage and express emotions in a healthy manner. Reach out to someone today.
