Remembering Those Whom We Have Lost

Oct 31

Grief is a difficult thing to go through, yet we all go through it. We never really "get over" a loss; rather, we "learn to live with it". One important way we can work through grief is to memorialize those we have lost in some way. Halloween, Samhain, Dia De Muertos are all examples of holidays in which many people set aside set times and rituals to honor those who have gone on before us.

What Grief Feels Like

Grief is the natural response to loss. It is a process that begins with a major loss - death, loss of job, loss of faith, and many other types of loss - and lasts for as long as you need it to. Grief can be debilitating, but it will not last forever—even if you feel like it will.

While grief may feel like an empty void, this feeling does not mean that your life has stopped or even changed in any way; rather than being a complete end to happiness and joy, grief is actually the beginning of healing. Remembering those whom we have lost—whether they are pets, friends or family members—is an important part of this healing process because it helps us keep their memories alive in our hearts and minds.

Examples of How to Honor the Memory of Those Who Have Passed

A memorial service is a great way to honor someone's memory. It can be held at a church, funeral home or other venue of your choosing. A funeral will often have the same elements as a memorial service, but it is typically more somber and focuses on mourning the loss of the person rather than celebrating their life.

There are many ways you can honor your loved one in death, such as by planting a tree in their name or donating to a charity in their name. You may also wish to create scholarships for students who share your loved ones' interest or create a foundation so that others can benefit from their legacy for generations to come!

Of course, there are more traditional ways of honoring those we love: donating money from our estates after we pass away is one way that many people choose this route; however, another popular option involves creating an endowment fund with one's assets while they're still alive instead (which allows them - or whoever they designate - to keep using those resources while still benefiting society). Honoring someone’s memory doesn’t have to be something we do financially, however. Many people have a home ancestor altar or meditation space in which to talk with or remember loved ones.

While Grief Lasts

We all cope with grief differently. Grief is not a sign of weakness or a character flaw. It is an emotional response to loss, and can be a long-lasting part of our lives—but it does not have to intrude on your ability to enjoy the present or anticipate the future.

While you may experience sadness, anger and guilt as part of your grieving process, there are also likely to be times when you feel joy again. You might find that you become more sensitive as you have been touched by death in some way; others may find themselves more optimistic than they were before their loss. The important thing is that you do what works for you at each stage of your bereavement journey—and remember that it is okay if things change over time!

Stages of Grief

In the first stage of grief, the bereaved person will typically experience shock and disbelief. This is followed by denial, often deluded into thinking that there must have been some kind of mistake or medical error. Anger comes next; often directed at those who are still alive (or even oneself) for being left behind. The final three stages include bargaining with God or other deities for a second chance, depression in which one may feel as if their life has lost all meaning, and acceptance that death is inevitable for everyone and everything. This process is not necessarily linear. We may feel various stages at any given time or day, and sometimes multiple stages at once. And that is to be expected, and is okay.

The "New Normal" After Grief

The new normal does not necessarily mean that you are over your grief and have moved on completely. It can be a place where you feel better, but it's always going to be different from what it was before the death of your loved one. The new normal is a combination of the old normal and whatever new things life brings as you cope with their loss.

Sometimes people say, “I don’t want to go back to my old life after this," because they know that life will never be the same again—and maybe they don’t want it to be. But if we stop living our lives after losing someone important, then we miss out on all the good things that come along in our new normal life without them—our friends who support us through this difficult time; our family who helps us through their own grief; maybe even ourselves getting back into doing something we had given up on or stopped doing altogether.

There are many ways to memorialize those whom we have lost.

Memorials can be in the form of a service, a ceremony, a celebration of life, a poem or song that reflects on the qualities of your loved one(s). It's also possible to create a fund or scholarship in their honor. It can be helpful to write letters as well--this is especially true if you're grieving over an unexpected loss like suicide. Letters allow us to confront our feelings and remember our loved ones in different lights throughout time. Writing letters can help you process your grief by helping you focus on what was good about your relationship with that person and how this person impacted you positively throughout the course of their life and yours. Having a memorial shrine or space in your home decorated with photos and mementos can be a way to feel their presence in the home and have a place to go when you're thinking of them.

We all know that grief is a process and it can take time to feel like yourself again. While the loss of a loved one is never easy, there are ways to help us cope with our feelings. Grief counseling can be a benefit when you are ready. Contact All Are Welcome Counseling today to get started on your journey to healing.